On friendship, singlehood, and marriage



“Singlehood is good. Marriage is good.” - Timothy Keller, paraphrased

Today got me reflecting again about singlehood versus marriage. The latter of course, something the church’s made an idol out of.

As much as they’d like to deny it, it certainly is, at least in the former church I used to belong to.

Why else would they have a group especially dedicated to singles trying to get together? No harm in that, but why not form one dedicated to promoting friendship instead?

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.” - John 15:13

I mean come on, Jesus was the greatest friend. He died for us all.

How often today do we see friends laying down
their lives for one another? In this age of busyness (especially in Singapore) I find myself missing out on the lives of the ones I most dearly want to know and be known to, simply because of a lack of time.

We need to carve out time for one another.

I need to.

Anyway, on back to the original topic, I’ve been reading a book called Sex and the Single Savior and it has been profound.

How many pastors actually talk about the fact that Jesus was single? And if he was the role model we all look up to, how is it that we do not follow his marital leanings?

I think there needs to be a balance in sermon preparation. That for every sermon preached on the goodness of marriage, one should be preached about singlehood and friendship as well.

How else do you expect the gay Christian to flourish? We deny ourselves what the Bible prohibits against, yet still crave intimacy. And intimacy is still possible, perhaps through friendship with a close couple, as the popular celibate gay author Wesley Hill elaborates on in his brilliant book, Spiritual Friendship.

I do not see role models like Wesley Hill nor married couples welcoming me into their lives. But I am complaining too much. I have single friends that I am contented to hang out with, pouring our lives out to one another in Whatsapp messages, praying for one another in dark times which happen ever so often.

I ought to count my blessings.

And I shall.

For the friend who’s made time for me for a meal. Thank you.

For the friend who’s prayed for me. Thank you.

For the friend who’s celebrated my birthday with me. Thank you.


For the friend and reader who’s endured my always long and rambling blog posts. Thank you.

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