Last night I attended a wedding of a very close friend of mine. It was fabulous.
Unfortunately, as a gay person, with every marvellous wedding that I attend, I feel a tinge of something akin to sorrow. Not as severe a depression that accompanies my existential crises, nor a sadness that comes with a lousy flat white, but something somewhat in between.
I distinctly remember a similar wedding I attended last December where I had some of these feelings. I shared with another queer friend of mine and how I just wanted to burst out in tears as I saw my friend walk down the aisle with her dad in her arm toward her husband to me.
It was quite impossible for me to have something like that.
Not just because gay marriage isn’t allowed in Singapore. Nor the fact that family members and friends that would otherwise attend a traditional marriage would shun my gay one. But perhaps because as a still somewhat conservative Christian, I still believe that a Christian marriage is between a man and a wife. And that is something I could never aspire to in the near future.
The agonies of attending a wedding are real and very painful.
I don’t know how I’m going to go through this much longer.
Thankfully, the gap between weddings help me recover. And by the time I have to attend the next one, I’d had forgotten about the pain of the last one. And the cycle repeats itself.
I’ve been largely absent on this blog in the year of 2016, more on that in a future post.
Meanwhile, I’m gonna get some good coffee and lick my wounds.
Till then, goodbye and happy holidays.