Thursday, 31 December 2015

Reflections on Ip Man 3

What a great movie to end the year with. I forgot how much I liked the character Ip Man until I watched the third instalment today.

So understated, so humble, so devoted to his wife. All qualities I’d like to emulate.

I cried at the scene where his wife told him that she missed listening to him practice on the wooden man. This was after he told her that his only regret was not being a better husband to her after she declared that she’d been very happy with him for spending so much time with her (since she contracted cancer and was given very little time to live). The martial arts master even took up dancing to accompany his wife and skipped an important duel.

And even after winning a particularly gruelling fight, he counselled his opponent, “What ultimately matters are our loved ones (and not winning fights).”

After watching the show, I felt like I had to do what he espoused. To spend time loving my friends and family. After all, that’s all that matters.

Made me quite reflective after watching it. I pondered upon what’d gone on this year…

Walking out of a service, having not one, but two crises of faith, hearing my friend A. say that she loved me made for quite an interesting year. Not forgetting the rather intense crush I had, of which I am still dealing with its lingering effects…

Well, I look forward to 2016, to a year of more adventures with God and his creation.

Monday, 21 December 2015

A hymn by John Newton

I asked the Lord, that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek more earnestly His face.

I hoped that in some favoured hour
At once He'd answer my request,
And by His love's constraining power
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

"Lord, why is this?" I trembling cried,
"Wilt thou pursue Thy worm to death?"
" 'Tis in this way," the Lord replied,
"I answer prayer for grace and faith.

"These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may'st seek thy all in me."

Saturday, 19 December 2015


It’s 3:15am and I’m awake and typing away because I figured I would be better off churning out a blogpost instead of crying myself to sleep and risking having swollen peepers tomorrow morning.

Why the misery?

Holy matrimony.

Bright and early this morning, I attended my dear friend’s wedding at my church and began thinking about my crush all through the service. Thoughts of her evolved into how if I were ever to have a same-sex marriage (which I wouldn’t), there probably wouldn’t be as many friends and family around to celebrate as compared to if I were to have a regular heterosexual marriage.

Then, I started thinking about how, even if I were to have a celibate same-sex relationship, how it would be met by opposition by many Christian leaders and friends. If I could find someone willing to be my partner in the very first place. I think that would be the greatest obstacle of all.

Whirring round and round the thoughts came and went, making me ever more depressed.

It would be nothing short of a miracle, and I am not exaggerating, if I were to get married to a guy. This is probably the source of all my misery. But honestly, what is wrong with same-sex love?


If only I weren’t a Christian holding onto traditional biblical values.

Lying in bed, I started thinking about my crush all over again and how she doesn’t seem to be interested in me. I guess I’ve fallen for another straight girl yet again. How can I stop doing this?

It doesn’t help that in this Christmas season, Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas is you” is playing almost everywhere, triggering the same thoughts of my crush over and over and over again.

I think I feel better now. Writing is so cathartic. 

Perhaps I’ll read some haikus to calm myself down before attempting to sleep again.

Reflections on my friend's suicide (8 months on)

Photo by  Kat J  on  Unsplash In 2 days' time, it'll be 8 months since the day she passed. And tonight, instead of falling aslee...