Sunday, 30 August 2015

Redeeming Depression

Have been meaning to blog but I’ve been just too depressed to do so. No trigger, just a chemical imbalance in that old brain of mine. But watching Disney’s Inside Out today was great! 

Spoiler alert!

It is a story of five different emotions in an 11-year-old’s brain. Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust. Initially, Joy dominated and wanted to run the entire show. Eventually, she realised that Sadness had an important part to play too. Not to give everything away, but I absolutely love how Joy and Sadness collaborated in such a way to save the day. 

I have been thinking a lot about this.

Recently when faced with a fresh bout of depression, I blasted happy music. One of which was Hillsong’s Young and Free’s This is Living.

It’s a great song. What with lyrics like,

“Waking up, knowing there’s a reasonAll my dreams come aliveLife is for living with You”

Happy music indeed. :)

And with the encouragement of my vocal coach, I deleted all the emo music that makes me weep on the commute. So JJ Lin and Vicky Beeching’s gone. The former because of his brilliant song writing that tugs at the heartstrings, the second because of her tragic story.

But is that right?

Can depression play a redeeming role in one’s life?

I don’t know.

All I know is that when I’m not depressed, life is great. Maybe the contrast helped. In that case, it is indeed “black and white turn to colour all around” like how the (above-mentioned) song goes.

Perhaps what is needed is a healthy balance of joy and sadness.

I remember how in the darkest days of my depression in 2009 or 2010 when I was standing there on the first step of the terrace in church, singing 

“Though You, I can do anythingI can do all thingsI am living by faithNothing is impossible”

And that was truly words of faith. Because everything seemed so bleak.

This most recent bout of depression isn’t as bad as that.

Well, I guess melancholia can be helpful too.

But I’m not retrieving those songs I’ve deleted any time soon.

I think.

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