Friday, 24 April 2015

Through My Eyes - A Film

On my tumblr today, I chanced across Justin Lee's film titled "Through My Eyes". It's a 47 minute film he did by interviewing young gay Christians across America and Canada on what their experience with the church has been like.

It's a sobering film. Pretty sad but I guess it's a true reflection of what life's like for someone who grew up in church who finds out they're gay.

I must say that one takeaway from this film has been that I've been truly blessed by God. I'm not boasting or anything, but in "conservative Asia", my coming out to my friends, Christian or otherwise, has been generally a pretty positive experience. And when I needed support, my closest friends were always there to hear me rant. For that, I am thankful.

I would say that this is a film that all Christians should watch, gay or straight. Especially the latter. Well, I don't know how posting it here would help, but I'm posting it anyway.

Enjoy.


Tuesday, 21 April 2015

A parallel

I just got a MacBook Air and it's brilliant. It's been my dream laptop since 5 years ago, and today I've finally bought my very own. :D

I suppose the only downside in this amazing buy is the fact that I have to hide the fact that I've bought it. I'm now in my room, which I've securely locked, and am using this in stealth. The reason for it? I fear the reaction it would result from my family.

"Why waste money on a new laptop?"

"Don't you want to save up for a holiday instead?"

"What's wrong with this laptop?"

And these are probably some of the things my sister, dad and mom would say.

It did dawn upon me rather quickly that it's kinda like coming out. It would make things so much easier if I didn't have to hide it so much, but I just can't handle it right now.

Perhaps one day I will. Just not today.

Friday, 17 April 2015

Being different

I met a trans girl at Pelangi Pride Centre last week and chatted with her among others. It was quite interesting getting to know her and hearing about her life. At the end of the day, I kinda felt like she was just an ordinary human being, like the rest of us. A child that God loves. 

I've been thinking about "different-ness" lately. Being gay, I do feel rather different from most of the people around me, for I am but a minority. Which led me to think about other people who are classified as being "different" from regular folks. 

The disabled. Criminals. Dropouts. These are but a few in a very long list that is essentially a human construct. 

Why are those who are labelled as being "different" feel that way? Could it be because of the way "regular" folks treat us? 

I'll be honest. I don't wish to be different. If there were a pill I could take to make me heterosexual, I'd take it in a heartbeat. Perhaps some may say that I don't accept myself, who I am, how God's created me, but it's just so difficult being different. 

That's why everyone wants to fit in I suppose. In school, most seek to conform and it's only those with an adventurous streak that don't. 

Yet, it dawned on me that apart from twins, all of us have a different face. And even for twins, they possess different fingerprints. Could it be that God made "different" to be beautiful? Could it be, that every one of us is a breathtaking masterpiece by our Creator, even if we don't feel it?

Could it be?

And so, perhaps we ought to be celebrated. Every single one of us. Dear Lord, help me learn to celebrate myself today. Amen. 

Saturday, 11 April 2015

Support

So I created this blog in the hopes of providing some support to the LGBTQ+ Christian in Singapore. I sometimes wonder if I am fulfilling that purpose because I don't hear from anyone, and the blog statistics do not tell me if I have repeat visitors. But no matter, I shall persevere. And of course, you're most welcome even if you're not Christian, or LGBTQ+ for that matter. I'm pretty inclusive.

Support is so important. We are all called to be part of the body of Christ because everyone can contribute. It's vital to be part of community. That's why they created isolation cells as a form of torture in prison. I heard that people can go crazy in there.

And so, it was just around 3 years ago that I was beginning to go crazy with the non-stop fantasies in my mind. I didn't know where they came from, I only knew that they wouldn't go away. And so I confided in my cell leader who could only pray for me. I was that close to going to a gay club and acting out with any random stranger I would find there.

That was when I googled and discovered the ministry of Choices by Church of our Saviour. It was literally a lifesaver. I started attending counselling and eventually joined a support group there. It was wonderful. To know that I wasn't alone in this was actually very liberating. I found people that could identify with me and we could speak frankly about issues that we faced. Contrary to popular belief, they don't run a conversion therapy programme there and try to turn people straight. I am still pretty gay by my standards.

I really thank God for the ministry of Choices. It's different discussing your (gay) problems with your cell group and with a support group. The level of understanding is very different. And although my season with them is now over, I do hope that every Christian facing difficult issues in their life would have a support system they can turn to for prayer and for counsel.

And if you don't, I'm always here to listen. I might not provide the best counsel, nor will I be the perfect confidant, but I'm here. That's all I can offer. :)

Rachel
agaysingaporeanchristian@gmail.com

Sunday, 5 April 2015

One year anniversary

I started this blog on Resurrection Sunday one year ago because I felt that it might make a gay Singaporean Christian feel less alone. I hope I've achieved that objective.

It has been quite a year in terms of blogging. I started off pretty well, but then got a bit depressed (because of some circumstances in my life), and then stopped for a long while. I picked it up again at the end of the year and have been somewhat more consistent since.

I find that I blog rather spontaneously and I find that there is a dearth of deeper, more insightful posts. I might attempt that at some point in time and talk about my journey thus far. Well, we shall see.

I find that I quite enjoy blogging and I hope I don't lose the joy anytime soon.

Well, if you'd like to chat with me or give feedback about anything at all, do email me at agaysingaporeanchristian@gmail.com and I'll try my best to answer you.

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