Last week in cell group, A. prayed a prayer that was tremendously healing. It was incredible and I was not only very touched, but tremendously encouraged.
You see, the cell group message was on the 7 exchanges that took place on the cross when Jesus died for us.
As I listened, I pondered silently on 2 out of the 7 points as my cell leader preached and could not help but wonder about my gayness. She declared, "Jesus took our sicknesses to give us healing," and also that "Jesus took our curse to give us blessing."
Now if I were like Vicky Beeching, I would confidently declare that my being gay is a gift from God. But I cannot say that with 100% conviction. I still struggle with being gay. "But if this is not a disease, and it is not a curse, then it has to be a gift, shouldn't it?" I think immediately. And so, I confuse myself.
Well, near the end of cell group, we were told to pair up to pray for one another. We had 3 in our group and we were encouraged to tell each other which one we struggled with and for the other to pray for us. A. asked if I'd like to start first and I shook my head, reluctant to begin. So she shared, and then the other person in our group, M., had no issue, and then it was me.
And so I decided to be vulnerable. Now I was out to both of them although I never talked about it in great length to M. However, I had previously gone into lengthy conversations about my orientation with A. So it was kinda awkward to just tell them that, mainly because of M. But I am so glad I did. Because A. prayed over me such a wonderful and healing prayer. I should have recorded it, but I never knew what comforting words she would speak over my life and over me.
She prayed, if I remember rightly, that I would discover and be secure in my identity and know that God loves me regardless. That God has prepared a special calling for me to walk into. And so, so, so much more. I just sat there and listened and absorbed all she had to say and pray over me.
And that day, I was glad I decided to be vulnerable.
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