This book is so good, I had to post another excerpt (which is kinda rare when I read):
"From a straight Christian perspective, the ideal life is to get married and have a family. From a gay perspective the ideal is to come out and live a happy, sexually reconciled faith as an active gay man or lesbian woman. And for those believers with a same-sex attraction who don't fit into the other two ideals, the third ideal is to be celibate. What each ideal has in common is that they all focus on sex - or lack thereof - as the standard by which to judge a life.
There's a fourth ideal that gets overlooked, an ideal that is not based on sex: It's OK to be yourself before God and not conform to any of the other three ways that seem ideal to the outside world.
The fourth ideal communicates God's acceptance, validation, affirmation and unconditional love in meeting people as they are, where they are. Some critics might think this fourth ideal is the same as a blanket acceptance of the gay identity. Others might think this fourth ideal is the same as celibacy, just renamed to try to make it more accessible. But the fourth ideal is rooted in neither. It's an ideal focused on an identity in Christ rather than behavior - straight, gay or celibate - as the judge of one's acceptability.
The fourth ideal says that an ideal existence is one that does not have to accept or conform to any sexual personification that mainstream society (secular or religious) deems as the only means to a normal existence. The totality of an individual's worth, instead of the significance of a behavior, gives straight Christians, GLBT people and those in between room to elevate the conversation by deconstructing the overhyped value of sexual behavior. We must allow people to consider God unencumbered by the blinders of a forced sexual identity - in either direction. Without that room many people like Jeff will continue to get lost in this world's Christian and secular ideological expectations of spiritualized sexuality as the standard of what is desired."