I'd been attending church for a year and a half now, and although some sermons demonised gay people, I thought after talking with the senior pastor and his wife, that it would stop.

Sadly, it didn't. On Christmas, I heard a sermon that highlighted two gay dads that'd sexually abused their adopted son.

I cried the entire night after that.

I do realise that the point was that man is depraved and evil and perhaps that was just a convenient example. But how would the gay teenager sitting amongst us in that congregation feel?

So I just told myself I had to take 6 months off from church to reevaluate my membership.

I somehow, after a talk with my ministry leader and another guy and that guy's wife, managed to drag myself to church last Sunday.

But as I sat there, my heart was anxiously waiting for the next gay slur, and I was bracing myself for it.

I think I can't live a life like that every Sunday morning is a time to practice what's I've learnt in CBT to calm m…


"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross & follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it."
Mark 8:34-35
I just came back home after dinner and coffee with two other friends after remembering and talking about our friend who killed herself recently. We all met in the support group I attended so this loss was particularly sad for me.

During the meeting, my friend brought up a good point. She said that we should do everything we can to maintain our sanity and not kill ourselves.

That made me realise that I probably shouldn't keep attending a church that demonises people like myself.

Then my ministry leader texted me and asked me if I'd like to come to church with them this Sunday.

"I dunno," I replied.

And I came home and got a postcard from a close friend with the verse from the beginning of this post.

It made me wonder if for me, if I lo…

Sharing my story

So I'm meeting my ministry leader for dinner tomorrow, together with the first gay person I've gotten to know from ARPC, the church I'm currently attending.

This all happened because I came out to my ministry leader, and shortly after, told him I needed a 6 month break because I was taking a break from church. (There was a Christmas sermon that kinda demonized gay people even though the incident quoted in the sermon was true.) But I just couldn't handle it. That night, I went home and cried the night away.

And so my ministry leader contacted this guy he'd once heard sharing his story in a leaders' meeting. Then he arranged a lunch last year between the three of us. So I got to hear his story, where he was basically celibate until he got married to a woman, which was unexpected for him.

I don't know if I'm looking forward to sharing my story tomorrow night, because even though I've done it countless times (at Choices, Exodus, GCN, on this blog), it …